


Gifts from the heart

by Subaruchan192



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi Gift Exchange 2019, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gift Exchange, Gift Fic, M/M, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22032580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/pseuds/Subaruchan192
Summary: An exploration of Rafael Barba's and Sonny Carisi's developing relationship through presents- both physical and metaphorical  and they grow closer with each one of them.~*~This work is part of the "BarisiGiftExchange2019". The prompt was to describe their relationship through presents (Birthday, anniversary ecc.), but I took a little different approach. =)
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 21
Kudos: 38
Collections: Barisi Holiday Exchange 2019





	1. Pre-Relationship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adabarbacarisi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adabarbacarisi/gifts).



> This turned out way longer than I expected. Therefore, I divide the story into two. Part one are all scenes before entering the relationship. Chapter 2 contains everything within their relationship :)

It all started rather simple. Nothing more than a plain, small brown box on his desk after finishing a long interrogation. Carisi almost haven’t paid attention to it, thinking it was something Amanda had accidently left there, but just as he was about to ask her, he noticed a little card on it. Curiously, he picked it up and unfolded the thick piece of paper.

 _Congratulation on passing the bar_ , was written on in it in a neat, elegant handwriting and Carisi’s heart picked up pace. It didn’t belong to anyone in the precinct. He knew theirs inside out, but Barba had been in until a few minutes ago, watching the interrogation through the one-sided mirror. An unexpected, warm feeling of surprise spread inside of Carisi and a wide smile brightened up his face. It surprised him even more, how happy the possibility made him, that Barba actually acknowledged his achievement.

With excitement buzzing through his veins, he carefully opened the golden ribbon. Within the box rested a beautiful fountainpen. The carcass was made out of black noble metal, while fine, golden lines twined along it like vines. Looking at it agape, Carisi took it out and turned it around, inspecting every little detail. Only then he noticed another card, where the pen had rested.

 _So that your first sign on a warrant is legible._ Carisi laughed quietly and shook his head. That present definitely was from Barba and the fuzzy feeling of pride prickled inside of him. Carisi knew, how much the hours in Barba’s office had helped him. The ADA had been strict, but a surprisingly good teacher.

Carisi sat down on his desk chair and while he looked at the beautiful present, he began to wonder, if there was another meaning behind it. With everyone else, Carisi likely wouldn’t have paid much attention to it, but Barba was something else. He wasn’t the kind of person, who often made gifts- especially not such expensive ones- and on the other hand, deep inside of him, Carisi _wished_ for it to mean more. Those days spent in Barba’s office had been intense in many ways and more than once, Carisi had wondered, if there had been a thing between them. This present gave him hope and his heart beat fast, casting a wide, happy smile onto his lips.

~*~

Rafael Barba sighed heavily, when he entered his office after a long conversation with the DA. Well, it was more like he got a good telling-off. They had different views on a case. McCoy wanted Barba to drop it, while he had insisted on trying it in court. Barba understood, where his boss was coming from. Judicially, the case was almost impossible to win and actually, he only tried it as a favour for the SVU. They had pushed him on charging the suspect and he knew it was the right thing to do. It just wasn’t simple.

Barba slumped into his desk chair only to find a new file on top of his structured piles and notice a red box with his favourite sweets on top of it. There was a note pinned onto it, which said:

_Thank you for not giving up on the case._

Barba huffed, but a small smile spread over his face. He knew it was from Carisi. He had been especially invested in the case and he was the only one, who knew that those were his favourites. It had been one late evening- or rather one night- when they had been brooding over a case and had run low on sugar, when Rafael had got them out and shared them. So, it was either from him or he talked- and then he had to kill Carisi, which would be a shame. Despite that, Carmen had told him that Carisi had dropped some more evidence for the case.

For a moment he blinked and starred at the brown leather couch in his office. They had been sitting there. Close, very close, almost too close. They had discussed the details of a case, getting stuck on a judicially detail Barba didn’t care about anymore. It had got heated and Rafael remembered, how brightly Carisi’s blue eyes had shone, how persistent he had been. At first, Carisi’s passion had annoyed the hell out of him. Carisi had been too much of _everything._ Too loud, too fast, too bold, too energetic and most of all too much moustache, but over the time, the ridiculous hair had disappeared and Carisi appeared to smooth out. Like he finally dropped that rough mask he had learned to wear in the homicide squad and the real Carisi had come to the surface. That one was slightly more tolerable.

Barba opened the package and put the ball of chocolate into his mouth. The wonderful mixture of cacao, butter and sugar melted in his mouth and filled his taste buds. It was exactly, what he needed after his meeting with the DA.

Rafael turned his chair around and watched the sunset for a little while, eating another piece of chocolate. He wondered, if Carisi would have guessed, how his meeting was supposed to go and tried to cheer him up or if it was a coincidence. Nonetheless, this little piece of attention had brightened up his day and the rare occasion appeared that Rafael Barba was smiling.

~*~

Carisi stood in the heart of Manhattan, right between the Fifth and Madison Avenue and felt totally out of place. This here was the part of New York of the rich and shallow. This wasn’t a place he felt comfortable. He couldn’t understand, why Barba had asked of him to come here.

This morning, Barba had walked out of Olivia’s office, a sigh on his lips, his eyes already on the exit, when he had abruptly stopped. Carisi had been buried in the analysis of a social media profile to find any evidence that the suspect had been at the crime scene. Barba had looked at him, his eyebrow raised, starring at him a little too long for it to be appropriated. Or long enough to be it? That was a question of intention. Carisi had asked him, if there was anything, he could do for him, but Barba had stayed silent, which was untypical for him. Instead, his eyes had narrowed a little and his eyes had unremarkably left his face. Carisi was a detective, though, he had noticed and he was pretty sure, Barba had known it.

The air had grown tensed and heated between them for a moment, until Barba had raised an eyebrow sceptically. It had been the kind of expression, when somebody- mostly Carisi- had said something stupid. Carisi had asked him, what had been the matter, but instead of answering, Barba had taken a post-it and scrabbled a time and an address onto it, shoving it into Carisi’s hand, before he hurried out of the precinct without a word, leaving a confused Carisi behind.

Carisi had wagered for quite a while, if he should follow the unorthodox invitation. Needless to say, he had, but he still had no idea, what awaited him here. In front of him towered a high skyscraper with luxurious customs. It definitely was not Carisi’s area.

Nervously, he looked at his watch and wondered once again, what this was supposed to be. It likely wasn’t a date, but Barba normally didn’t invite just one of them and if he did, it was Olivia. Carisi sighed and ruffled through his hair.

“Ah, good, you’re here.” Carisi turned around as he heard the well-known, deep timbre of the prosecutor. Rafael Barba stood out even here. Casually, but with determined steps, he walked up to Carisi, dressed in his warm, dark blue woollen coat. His dark hair glistened from rime, which settled down between his strands.

“Didn’t expect me to come, _Counsellor_?”, he asked with a smirk in his voice and tilted his head, a mischievous the gleam in his eyes. Normally, they said it with respect, but this time, it sounded more like a tease and Barba raised an eyebrow about it. At least, he was not a person to hold up a grudge and could take some jokes about himself.

“You didn’t appear convinced.”

“Well, it would have helped, if you gave me a clue, what you intended to do with me.” Carisi was surprised, how flirty he sounded and he was very glad that it was so cold outside that it explained his flushed cheeks.

Barba tilted his head, narrowed his eyes slightly and his green eyes pierced through him. In this moment, Carisi felt as if he was stripped down. What if he noticed, that he had a crush on him? Barba had appealed to Carisi ever since he had seen him for the first time. Carisi’s heart began to beat faster inside his chest and he swallowed slightly, hoping that Barba wouldn’t notice it.

“So, care to enlighten me?”

“The collective of lawyers and I agreed we can only accept you as one of us, when you get rid of _that_.”, Barba explained casually and pointed at Carisi’s tie. Carisi frowned and looked down on it and he didn’t like the little sting to his heart.

“What’s wrong with it?”, Carisi asked and sounded sadder than he had wanted to. Barba appeared to notice, because the smirk disappeared and his face became a little softer.

“It’s too slim. No one is going to take you serious like that, if you ever want to try a case in court.”

“Actually, I decided to stay with the SVU as long as Rollins…”

“Carisi…”, he said softly with a sigh and smiled honestly. Carisi couldn’t believe his eyes. Rafael Barba smiled! He smiled because of _him_. “You appear to be a bit slow on the uptake. I’m offering you to choose a suiting tie with you.”

Carisi didn’t know, how to handle the sudden tenderness. The entire situation felt too intimate, too close. It was too dangerous he might let the perceptive man see, what he was hiding. Therefore, he switched into the dynamic, that had worked for them so far.

“So, you had a meeting about it?” Barba appeared taken aback and confused about the sudden change back to humour, when it had appeared that Carisi had longed for something else. Carisi tried to smirk, but the attempt made the furrow on the prosecutor’s forehead even deeper. Luckily, though, Barba easily adapted to every situation and spoke humour fluently.

“It was number one on the agenda: What the hell are we going to do with Dominick Carisi’s too slim tie?” His green eyes flashed from amusement, but Carisi was a little overwhelmed. This here felt like this fine line between friends and lover and he was not sure on which side Barba intended to stay. Well, he had believed, that Barba’s side was clear, but ever since he had given him the fountain pen, Carisi wasn’t sure anymore and it made him a little insecure. The cooperation between Barba and the SVU was perfect and one wrong move could put a strain on it. Carisi didn’t want to be the reason for it.

“Come on, let’s go in.”, Barba suggested and gently pressed against his back. Barba’s hand was astonishingly warm and soft. As if it was supposed to be…

Carisi shook his head and chased the thought away, before it could nestle itself into his head. He blinked irritated, when he found the spot, where Barba had stood, to be empty. He had already left for the building, his hand shoved into the pockets of his coat. Hurriedly, Carisi followed him in, still not completely sure, what this was supposed to be.

Five minutes later and a little helpless, Carisi stood in the centre of a tailor, surrounded by the most beautiful and exclusive suits he had ever seen. The shop was empty despite the staff. They mostly were. There were not many customers, but those, who visited it left a lot of money. Way more than Carisi could offer and yet, Barba wandered casually through the displays and examined fabrics, while he had the feeling that all eyes were on him. As if they smelled that he did not belong here. Well, it probably was pretty obvious.

Barba, on the other hand, belonged here. Born in the Bronx, he knew, how important and crucial clothes and first impressions were. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have reached, what was his now and it appeared he wanted to pass it on. As if Barba wanted to be his tutor one more time. Why the hell did it feel like a good-bye? Maybe, because Carisi still felt like they were on a crossroad.

“Barba…”, Carisi began as he stepped up to him. “I think this is a bit out of my league.”

“Do you think I don’t know?”, Rafael said with calm voice without turning his head towards him. Instead, he assessed three ties, which laid on red velvet in front of him.

“Then why…?”, the detective and now lawyer asked confused, while Barba picked up a striped one in different shades of blue. He held it onto Carisi and his hand feathery brushed over his collar. The words died in Carisi’s mouth and his mind. His heart began race inside his chest. Barba’s scent tickled in his nose. He smelled like a forest after rain. Musky and fresh at the same time.

“I’m going to pay for it.”, Barba replied, his voice not changing its nuance. Carisi’s head jerked back, his blue eyes blown wide.

“I…I can’t accept it.”

“You’re my protégé.” Barba shook his head and put the tie away. “What kind of impression does it make, when you run around like this?”

For the first time, the prosecutor looked directly into Carisi’s eyes and the expression in them didn’t fit to his words. He saw caring in the emeralds.

“See it as a starter kit.”, Barba continued, his voice suddenly soft and Carisi’s heartbeat took up a notch.

“Barba…”, he whispered breathlessly, because he didn’t know, what to say. Which didn’t happen quite often to be honest, but often in Barba’s company. It was if he lost all of his experience, whenever he was around.

“Blue suits you well.”, he continued, ignoring Carisi’s soft interruption. “It highlights your eyes. You should use it.”

Carisi wasn’t sure if he blushed, but he hoped, he hadn’t. He didn’t want to ridicule himself in front of the man, who was everything he wanted to become. Carisi knew, it sounded like he idolised him, but he did. Carisi wanted to become a lawyer like him: righteous, intelligent, courageous and determined. A man, who brought justice to those, who needed it.

“I know, you don’t like it.” Barba turned around and wandered through the shelves, his fingers tenderly running over the heartwood. “Neither did I.”

Carisi’s eyes followed the trail of the prosecutor. This felt like so much more than it appeared to be on the surface, but as always, Barba was hard to read. He was one with himself, calm, resting within his decision, but he didn’t let other participate in his thoughts.

“But we aren’t living in a world, where skills alone are enough. Sometimes, they are, but these occasions are rare and do you truly want to rely on coincidence or fate to figure if you’re one of those? Then, you’re stupider than I thought and you waste your potential.”

Was that appreciation in his voice? Was that supposed to be a compliment? Carisi stood petrified on his place, his heart racing inside his chest.

“It’s an instinct old as time. Milliseconds to decide whether a human was friend or foe, threat or ally. Once an assessment is made, it’s hard to change it.” Barba’s voice sounded strangely sad and for a moment, Carisi wondered, how long it had taken him to get rid of the ‘ _poor boy from the Bronx_ ’ label.

In this small, little moment, the pain of Rafael’s Barba’s life flickered through the air and for the first time, Carisi felt compassion. On every other day, he felt respect and appreciation for the man, but he had showed Carisi something more than his professional mask. Probably more than he had intended in the first place.

Barba had stopped his way, his eyes hanging on a black suit, whose fabric he rubbed between his fingers.

“Barba…” Carisi had walked up to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. He understood the sentiment underneath his actions. Barba wanted to make it easier for him, what he had to learn the hard way. “I’m sorry.”

When he felt Carisi’s hand, he abruptly turned around as if it felt like a sting and he blinked a little too quickly. Carisi looked after him and he was sure that this here was indeed a crossroad and it appeared Barba wasn’t sure, which path he was going to choose. It was the moment, Dominick Carisi’s crush turned into love. Love for the man, who wanted to be the knight for the world no matter how bloodied and dirty his armour would become.

“I first thought about getting you one and to leave it on your desk as the rules of our game demand.” With quick steps, Barba had distanced himself from him and he occupied himself with the original task. “But then I figured, you’d prefer, if you have a word in it.”

Barba turned back around to him, another, dark blue tie in his hand and he had composed himself against whatever was going on inside of him. He appeared calm again, his deep voice thoughtful.

Carisi closed the distance between them and in the end, only stood a breath away from him. They were so close they could feel their heart beats in the space between. Slowly, Carisi opened the knot of his tie and slid it off, resting the band on one of the cabinets. Barba looked up at him, something deep in his eyes as he tied his tie. Carisi couldn’t turn his eyes away about how tender it felt, when Barba tightened and adjusted the knot.

Then, he placed a warm, determined hand between this shoulder blades so that Carisi could look into a mirror.

“Do you see, what difference it makes?”, Barba asked and Carisi did. He couldn’t name what it was about the tie, which made the difference, but there was one. He nodded with a lump in his throat.

“Then this one it shall be.” He turned around to pay and Carisi looked a little longer into his reflection. The third gift was more than a tie.

~*~

Crossroads were illusions, lies. There wasn’t something like the one decision that determined the rest of the life. It was rather all those small ones, which influenced each other like a tug on a thread in a weaved carpet. It could strengthen the mesh or weaken it. It was something Rafael Barba knew from the beginning of his life, but he had wanted to forget for a while. When he just had decided, which path of a crossroad to take, he had made a decision in his career, which caused his personal one to lead into a dead end.

That had been half a year ago. Rafael Barba had always known a case like that would inevitably come. A case, which would make his moral compass run wild and yet, he had been surprised by it, although he shouldn’t have been.

Rafael Barba had made his decision, one he would have never expected to make and yet, he did and had thrown his personal life into turmoil. He should have known better. When he had turned off Drew’s life support, he hadn’t just ended the baby’s life, but also his, in a way. Rafael had cut all connections abruptly and turned his back to the man, he had been as ADA and had to face the darkness of nothingness, which had scared him- a lot. It still did at times. Rafael had to rebuild his life without any support. He had to leave his friends behind, because he couldn’t endure all those emotions in their eyes and he couldn’t face his mother’s disapproval. He loved his mother, but she could be hard and harsh at times and quick in judgement. Just like Rafael, she relied on her instincts and she had convicted him guilty, although the jury hadn’t.

Maybe, without knowing it, Rafael had, too. He had banished him to live in an exile after all. That was why he was sitting alone in the bar on this Friday night. Quiet, undefinable music was playing from invisible speakers. Men and some women of the working class were sitting scattered all over the place. Rafael sat on the bar, his eyes staring into the amber, endless depths of his scotch. The surface shook as he picked the glass up and swallowed the content. The burning of the alcohol on his tongue and in his throat felt like an old friend.

“Barba?” _Oh, shit._ He knew that warm, bright voice too well. _Carisi._ Out of all 8,2 million people living in New York, he had to run into him. For a moment, Rafael closed his eyes and held tighter onto his glass. He wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready to face him and all the emotions he would reawaken.

“Hello, Detective.” Slowly, Rafael turned around, a perfect, calm smile on his lips, but his inside wasn’t like this at all. The moment his green eyes met the intensive, stormy blue of Carisi’s eyes, it was all back to where he had left. Where _they_ had left.

“It truly is you.” Carisi tilted his head, surprise shining in his blue oceans.

“I’m not a ghost.”, Rafael said with a smirk on his lip and for the first time in a long time, the amusement inside felt real. As if he was naturally becoming his old self in Carisi’s presence.

“Well, but you acted like one in the past half year.” It was supposed to be a joke, but Rafael heard the pain in the younger man’s voice and it felt like a stab into his heart, because he was right. Rafael had ghosted all of them, but Sonny had been the only one, who hadn’t become discouraged. At least once per week, he wrote a SMS asking how Rafael was doing, although he had never replied. Rafael had wagered a few times, if he should write back. It seemed like destiny had taken action and decided to let their paths cross again. The time of running away was over.

With a nod of his head, Rafael pointed towards one of the corner booths, where they were able to talk more private. Carisi accepted and ordered a beer at the barkeeper, while Rafael took his glass and sat down on the worn-down, red fabric of the bench. Carisi never let him out of sight, but Rafael wasn’t sure, if it was scepticism or desperation that he would disappear. The concern might be the same, but the intention was the deciding matter in this.

Rafael looked up at Carisi and wasn’t fully able to hide his sadness and pain. He should have kissed Carisi back at the tailor, he knew that now, but back then, he had said to himself that the moment had been wrong and had missed his chance. Now, there was no way back to where they had been. The fragile, precious bond between them had been destroyed by him and he had to carry the consequences. No matter how much he wanted for history to repeat, it wouldn’t, although he wished for nothing more than to reach out and finally do, what he should had done a long while ago, but it had been his own decision, which had made this path crumble into dust and robbed him of every chance for the detective and him to be more. Carisi would never be able to forgive him.

“So, say me what you have to say.”, Rafael said in a grave voice of a man, who awaited his death warrant. Carisi frowned and tilted his head, when he heard the unknown tone, a wrinkle of concern furrowing his forehead.

“How have you been?” Rafael blinked in surprise, because this wasn’t, what he had expected to hear. He had expected to hear the question, why he had done it, that he had to justify himself. He had braced himself for a hard face, but that left him defenceless against Carisi’s kindness.

The blue eyes of the detective pierced through him and suddenly, Rafael felt vulnerable and his heart shook. He hated that feeling and tried to hide it with a sip out of his glass, but he was sure that Carisi would notice anyway.

“I…”, he began, but his words stopped abruptly, because he didn’t know what to say. For the first time, Rafael Barba wasn’t able to find the right words and his core felt so very empty. He didn’t know, what it was about Carisi, which always made his demeanour crumble, what it was that made the real Rafael come to the surface and that was, what scared him and likely was the reason, why he hadn’t taken the final step back then. Rafael wasn’t sure, if Carisi would like, what rested behind his mask.

“Barba?” It was a relief that Carisi didn’t joke like he usually did. It might have increased his feeling of insecurity. He took a deep breath and looked back up into the endless ocean of blue.

“That…wasn’t the question I expected.” It tumbled from his lips and he blinked in confusion, because he hadn’t intended to say it and he laughed inwardly about himself. How often was it supposed to happen with him? Rafael felt like such a love-drunk idiot around him, but he didn’t deserve these feelings. Not after what he had done.

“What did you expect?” Carisi’s voice was as warm as a summer breeze and it was something he couldn’t handle. Back in those days, Rafael had seen Carisi’s unshakeable kindness as foolish. Now, he knew, how much strength it needed and he hoped that Carisi would never lose it. It was one of the things he adored about him, but it was also the characteristic, which would deny him of what he truly wished for.

“How dare you kill an innocent baby?” But likely, Carisi was even too kind for that, although Rafael truly deserved it.

“Barba…” Carisi sounded shocked and his eyes were blown wide. Rafael wasn’t able to assess, what emotions rested in those blue eyes and he couldn’t look into them any longer. “Why should I say something like that?”

“Because it’s what I _did_.” His voice shivered from the devouring feeling of guilt, which rose inside of him. It was the monster, which lurked in the dark, waiting for a quiet moment to attack and haunt him in his dreams. He had believed it to be the right things to do, when he had turned the life-support off, but now, he wasn’t sure anymore and tears burned in his eyes. “You must despise me, Carisi.”

It had to be that way. Carisi was Catholic and there was no greater sin than child’s murderer. What Rafael wasn’t able to see was how Carisi’s eyes blurred from sadness.

“I don’t.”, Carisi said warmly. “You’re not a murderer, Barba.”

“Then why do I feel like one?” Rafael looked back up and there was a plea in his eyes, he couldn’t put in words. He felt pathetic, but he was asking for forgiveness. Carisi shouldn’t think bad of him. Not him. Since when had he become so vulnerable around him? Since when did he care so much for the other man’s opinion? Normally, the opinion of others didn’t matter to him, but Carisi was an exception.

“Because you’re a good man.” Carisi took a sip from his beer bottle. “If anyone else would have done such a thing, I likely would despise him, but I know you. No one has a higher moral than you. You’re the most righteous man, I’ve ever known. You risked everything you had to save an innocent child from a life of pain. That’s not murder. It was an act of mercy.”

Rafael looked up and Carisi still looked at him like he used to. In his eyes nothing had changed.

“I feel…I feel so…” His voice broke and he lowered his eyes again. His hand, which held his scotch glass, shivered.

“I know.”, the detective said softly, but Rafael shook his head and sighed.

“No, you don’t.” How could he? Carisi was the one with the strongest moral. He was too kind to understand the darkness, which awaited Rafael at night.

“When I was a kid…”, Carisi began and his voice was heavy. “The boys of the neighbourhood picked on me every day. They beat me up, pushed me around. The worst was Bobby Beyanki. One day, he got me and pushed my face through a window glass.”

“Carisi…” Rafael’s looked at him with, but this time, Carisi didn’t look at him. His eyes were lowered, his gaze hanging on his bottle with a sad expression.

“I could’ve ended it back then. All I had to do was to say his name, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want Bobby to get into the trouble.” His voice was grave and his heart appeared to be heavy, but Rafael didn’t understand, why Carisi was telling him this. It was tragic and Rafael felt compassion, of course, but it was nothing like what he had done. “Years later, I got to know that Bobby’s in Sing Sing. He killed a man in a bar fight. I often ask myself, if the man would still be alive, if I said something back then.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Carisi.”, Rafael said compassionately. It was obvious from the embittered expression in his eyes and in the way he crinkled his lips that he felt guilty.

“I know that.”, Carisi said after several moments in which a heavy silence rested between them. “But it doesn’t change I feel that way.”

“I know, what you tried to achieve and I appreciate the effort, but it isn’t the same.” Rafael took a deep swallow from his glass.

“No.” Carisi admitted with his head hanging down. “But I know the feeling of guilt.”

Rafael nodded, but then there was silence. Neither of them knew, what to say. The time which had passed by felt like a canyon, although in quantity, it wasn’t much.

“I’m just wondering, if I might have overcompensated.”

“What do you mean?”, Carisi asked him confused and tilted his head. Rafael frowned for a moment, until it dawned on him.

“Oh, right, you don’t know.” The former prosecutor sighed, pinched his eyebrows and sadness hazed his eyes. “I need another scotch for that. Do you want another?”

Rafael nodded towards the empty beer bottle, which stood in front of the detective. Carisi nodded, still a little irritated, but Rafael couldn’t pay attention to it, now. The detective deserved an explanation, but it was going to be the first time, he was going to tell it all. Before, he only had revealed little snippets of his dark past.

The barkeeper looked up from the beer tap, when the golden liquid filled the glass of another customer. Rafael ordered the same again and then returned to the booth. It didn’t take long, until a waiter came with the new beer bottle for Carisi and a new glass of scotch for Rafael and took away the empty ones.

Rafael felt Carisi’s eyes on him, who waited for him to speak, but talking about it still wasn’t easy. He rather kept this part of his life firmly locked away, but he needed to open up.

“My father…” The word still felt bitter on his tongue and Rafael took a big gulp from his scotch to get rid of the taste. Carisi blinked on the other side of the booth and Rafael felt a tremble running up his spine. “He was abusive.”

Carisi inhaled, but Rafael wasn’t able to look at him. He still felt weak, powerless and helpless, when he thought back to the time. Home was supposed to be a safe place for children, but for him, it had been hell.

“Whenever he felt like he was disobeyed, disrespected or outsmarted he used his fists to solve things. I can’t remember how many times my mother and I were beaten up.”

“Barba…”

“That was, when I decided, I’d never be like him.”, he continued without reacting to Carisi’s interruption. “I began to learn so that I’d always be clever enough to win an argument without violence. Which made me his goal for his frustration more often. An everlasting circle.”

Rafael blinked and starred out of the window for a moment, caught in his memories. Rain dropped heavily against the glass.

“I was glad, when I got my scholar ship for Harvard and was able to escape home…” His voice sounded far away as if someone else was speaking for him. “It felt like the cycle finally had come to an end.”

“But it didn’t?”

“It did, but not as I expected.” He sighed heavily and turned away from the window. Carisi stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. Rafael still hesitated. It was a moment of life, he truly wasn’t proud of and one, he rather hid somewhere in the depth of his mind. “Around twenty years ago, he fell into a diabetic coma. The doctors told us, there was no hope for him wake up. My mother wanted to deliver him from pain, but I couldn’t. All the pain, anger and hatred came back to me. All those times I felt hopeless, powerless and endangered in my own home made my blood boil. I wanted him to pay for all he had done to us. I wanted redemption. I wanted to punish him.”

Rafael’s voice became hard, when all those buried emotions came back to the surface and to express all those memories felt like acid inside his mouth. He clenched his hand into a fist, until his knuckles turned white, bordering to the point to draw blood. Even after such a long time, he wasn’t free from the fear he had had of his father. Although he was buried underneath the earth, he still haunted him and Rafael only wished to finally be free. To forget him and move on, but that was easier said than done. Rafael didn’t like this side of him much. This primal anger, which rested deep inside of him and which he hid underneath his education. The proof that he still was his father’s son.

“I convinced my mother to keep the life support on. I didn’t tell her the real reason, why I wanted to.” His anger was replaced by a deep, exhausting sadness.

“So, turning off Drew’s life support was your redemption? Because you weren’t able to forgive your father and therefore to have mercy with him?”

“A foolish thought. I know that, now.” Rafael barked a hoarse laugh and shook his head about himself. Carisi looked compassionately at him and there was nothing Rafael could do to prevent tears form burning hotly in his eyes.

“You’re too strict with yourself, Barba.” Carisi covered Rafael’s tightly clenched fist with his hand. Rafael flinched and abruptly pulled his hand away, because it had felt too warm and gentle. Carisi widened his eyes and lowered his head. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I am sorry.” Rafael took a deep breath and emptied his glass.

“Barba…” Uneasy, Carisi shifted on his bench and his eyes wandered restless through the bar. There was nervousness shimmering in the air and Carisi appeared to be blushing ever so slightly, but it was hard to tell form the dim light. “It might be the wrong time to ask this, but it was bugging me for quite a while.”

“What is it?”, Rafael asked and lifted his head. Carisi scrapped over his bottom lip, but it appeared he wasn’t able to look into his eyes.

“Before that happened…” Carisi sighed and took a big sip from his beer as if the question was needing all of his courage and somehow, it made Rafael’s heart beat faster. “I had a feeling that there was something going on between us. Back at the tailor, I thought we were at the crossroad between friends or something more. That’s why I couldn’t stop contacting you, although Liv said, I should give you the time and space you need. I was afraid that if I stopped, you’d disappear and I would never hear from you again.”

This time, Carisi looked up and there was a kind of desperation gleaming in his eyes.

“Was I wrong?” The blue eyes appeared to beg at him and Rafael couldn’t believe his ears. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, while he was enthralled by the intensity of Carisi’s eyes, but then, Rafael was able to compose himself and huffed, a small smile playing around his lips.

“No, you weren’t.”, he admitted and it felt like a weight was falling off him. It felt good to finally being able to admit it to himself and the man, who had carved its way into his heart without him noticing it. Carisi’s head jerked up and he widened his eyes.

“Now, you’re messing with me. How mean of you, Barba.” He smirked, but his eyes glistened wet. “I’m being honest here.”

“I am, too.”, Rafael said calmly and Carisi appeared completely confused by now. “I wanted to kiss you, when I fastened your tie at the tailor, but I thought the moment was wrong and I should rather wait till the next time. How could I have known that there wasn’t going to be one?”

“So…you’re serious?”, Carisi repeated slowly, almost stammering and his eyes were wide. “You’re not fooling around with me?”

“No.”, Rafael replied neutrally, but with a slight smirk around his lips, because he found Carisi’s facial expression amusing. Carisi blinked several times as he tried to process the new information. “A bit slow on the uptake? That’s usually not your kind.”

“You haven’t changed, Barba.” Carisi let out some short, almost staggered laughs, shook his head, but then his face expression smoothed into a smile. “That’s good.”

Rafael couldn’t prevent a happy smile to spread around his lips.

“So, what now?”, he still had to ask, because the revelation hang above them and they had to decide, how to handle it. Carisi opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the buzzing of his smartphone. He looked irritated down to the pocket of his shirt, then sighed and said addressed to Rafael:

“I’m sorry. That’s work. Do you mind, if I…”

“Sure, go ahead. It’s not like I don’t remember, how it was.” Rafael smiled reassuringly and Carisi nodded in relief, while he fished the ringing gadget out of his pocket. The former prosecutor used his chance to empty his glass, while Carisi spoke with a muffled voice, starring concentrated out of the window. It was clear to hear, that it was Olivia on the other side. 

When he hung up, he let out a deep sigh and looked apologetically up.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go, now.”

“I heard that.” Rafael smiled and stood up. “It’s okay.”

“I just gonna…” He pointed towards the barkeeper, but Rafael shook his head.

“That’s on my bill.” Carisi stopped for a moment and blinked, but then smiled warmly.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Rafael hurried over to the bar to pay, while Carisi gathered everything together and they both left the bar. Rain was pouring down on them. Carisi cursed and tried to shield himself with his arm, while Rafael opened a black umbrella and held it above them for as long as the good-bye was going to need.

“Well, then. I have to go that way.”, Carisi said and pointed to the opposite direction Rafael had to go. He nodded and smiled slightly. “Is your number still up-to date?”

“Yes.” He sighed resigned. “I just ignored your messages. I needed time to figure myself out.”

“It’s okay.” Carisi smiled reassuringly. “But we definitely need to meet again to catch up. I need to know, what you’ve been up to.”

“Okay.”, Rafael said softly. “Better hurry, now, detective. You don’t want to get scolded by Rollins for being late.”

“Absolutely not.” Carisi laughed whole-heartedly. “Good-bye, Barba. See you.”

“See you.” With the words, Rafael smiled one last time and turned around on his heels.

“Barba!” He stopped his quick steps in confusion, when Carisi called him back.

“Forgot something?”, Rafael asked and turned around, only to realize that the detective was already standing in front of him. His hair was already wet from the rain and his eyes shone softly.

“Yes.” Before Rafael was even able to realize the situation, Carisi’s lips were on his. They were wet and cold from the rain, but Rafael couldn’t mind. Not when time stopped and the world around them disappeared. It was a sweet, almost chaste kiss, his lips only lightly pressing against Rafael’s and a storm was breaking on the horizon of his mind, one of heartache and fulfilling. In this moment, he knew, he shouldn’t have hesitated back then. Not when kissing Dominick Sonny Carisi felt so damn perfect it made him weak in the knees.

Rafael sighed and cupped the other man’s cheek, feeling the slight scratch of stubble underneath his finger tips as he pulled him closer, the umbrella falling onto the pavement. The rain poured down on them, wetting them to the core, their shirts clutching to their bodies, but they didn’t care. They couldn’t care. All that mattered was the blossoming flower of love between them and the metaphorical string quartet playing a fulminant ballade only for the two of them.

Still the kiss had to end and it happened way too soon. Carisi pulled away and almost roughly woke them up from their own dream.

“So, we don’t miss our chance again.”, Carisi whispered tenderly with something, which was almost love, shining in his eyes. “Now, I really must be going. Good-bye, Barba.”

“Rafael.” He lifted his eyes and for the first time in half a year his eyes shone warmly. For a moment, it appeared as if Carisi was struck by a flash, but then a wide, almost dumb grin spread all over his face, which Rafael found strangely endearing.

“Sonny.”

“Never.” Rafael grinned and Carisi rolled his eyes, pecking on his lips quickly. Rafael melted into the brief, sweet touch. He could feel, that the detective wanted to prolong it, but his time was running out. Abruptly, he pulled himself away and then turned on his heels without another word, disappearing in the darkness of the evening and masses of humans. Rafael looked after him, his fingertips resting on his lips, which still felt warm. His heart was racing inside his chest and endorphins were filling his mind with a warm, cosy feeling of happiness. Who would have thought that Carisi’s next gift would have been their first kiss?


	2. Post-Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This contains every present within the relationship of Rafael and Sonny :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for pure fluff :)

A week of silence had passed and, in some moments, Carisi began to believe that everything had been just a dream. That his mind had wished so strongly to meet Barba again, that his subconscious fulfilled it and created an illusion for him. That would explain, why he had the courage to kiss the former prosecutor on the street, in public like in one of those romantic movies he had to watch with Rollins, while she had been bed-ridden in the last month of her pregnancy. But it had felt too real to be a manifestation of his mind. He could still feel the soft, warm touch of the lawyer’s lips against his. 

Carisi sighed. Inside the 16’th precinct office droned the rattle of keyboards, the clack of heels on the floor and the ringing of phones. Every now and again the sounds pierced his daydream, and he turned his attention back to his work, but the memory just kept coming back.

Carisi sighed. He was too old to be acting like a teenager, but it seemed his mind and his heart didn't care about that.

He shook his head and turned his attention back to the case files in front of him. It was exactly the kind of case Barba - no, Rafael – and he would have spent the night discussing it, which didn't help at all. He kept thinking of how he would like to do it again and therefore, the memories of these intimate nights in the prosecutor’s office returned. He missed those discussions. He could have them with Stone, but Stone wasn’t Rafael and it was him, who Carisi missed. It had never been just about discussing a case. It had also been about being able to spend time with him.

Still, though, he was a professional. He shouldn’t be acting like a love-sick teenager. Despite that he could feel Amanda’s questioning gaze from the other side of the table and he wasn’t sure, but it even felt as if Olivia was keeping an eye on him from the Captain’s office. Or maybe it was just his bad conscious imagining it. He hadn’t told them that he had met Barba, although he knew, how close they had been with him, too. It wouldn’t have felt right for Carisi to expose Rafael, when he obviously wasn’t ready. He had to think of a cheap excuse, when he had arrived at the crime scene too late and Amanda had been confused about his flushed cheeks, heavy breathing, his soaked wet clothes and the bright, happy gleam in his eyes, but the detective hadn’t bought it. Carisi wasn’t that foolish to believe that, but Rafael should decide, when he was ready.

And to be completely honest, a small, egoistic part deep inside of him liked to keep Rafael to himself, because Carisi feared as soon as Olivia and Noah would get back into Rafael’s life, he would be dislodged. No one had been closer to Rafael than Olivia.

Carisi was reading the testimony for the third time, but the words simply didn’t get stuck in his head. Instead, he caught himself starring at the display of his phone from the corner of his eyes in the hope of Rafael sending him a message. Or should he do the first step again? And wasn’t he a little too old for the _who makes the first step_ game? Shouldn’t he just contact him, if he wanted to instead of waiting like an abandoned dog hoping for his master to return?

Or had he screwed it up with the kiss? Had he been too bold? But then, why would Rafael had kissed him back? He hadn’t pushed him away or became angry. He had even admitted that there had been something going on between them. That he had wanted to kiss _him_ back at the tailor. So why wasn’t he contacting Carisi? Had it been too quick after just having met again? It was hard to tell given their backstory. They had been close, before Drew’s case had happened and now, they felt so far away. Carisi didn’t know what the right pace was.

Damn, wasn’t love supposed to become easier over the years? He hadn’t been that uncertain in years. Not with his ex-wife or ever with anyone else, but Rafael…Rafael wasn’t like anybody else and by God, he didn’t want to screw it up. Rafael meant too much to him. Maybe the problem was that Rafael was the first man he had a crush on. With women, there were some certain, unwritten rituals on how this invisible dance of courting should take place. But how was it with two men? Frustrated, Carisi ran his fingers through his hair until his normally neatly gelled hair was dishevelled.

Amanda Rollins frowned and looked at him from around her monitor.

“Is everything alright?”, she asked concerned.

“What?” Carisi jerked his head up and blinked in confusion, which only caused Amanda to narrow her eyes a bit more. “Uhm, yeah, sure. It’s just not getting in my head why he’s still insisting on being absent from the crime scene, when we have clear footage that he was there.”

“Aha…”, she said stretched. She rolled her chair to the side to have a better view on him and raised an eyebrow sceptically. Carisi cursed inwardly. Of course, she wasn’t buying it. He was bad in making excuses. He always had been. Carisi simply wasn’t a person, who lied and therefore, he was bad in it. “Carisi, if you have date just tell me. No need to hide.”

“What? Oh no.” He tried to laugh it off and sounded like a complete idiot. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Suuuuuuure.” The slim eyebrow of Amanda wandered even higher and tilted her head. “You’re so having a date. Who’s the lucky one?”

Carisi noticed, how Finn at the other desk next to them was pricking his ears. Oh damn! Finn didn’t look like it, but he loved gossip and Amanda just didn’t show any intention to lower her voice.

He wished she would be right to be honest. That he met a guy or a woman in a bar and was having a date. He wished he would have, but his current situation was much more complicated, although Rafael was worth it.

Amanda’s words still made him think. What if Rafael and he meet again? What would it be? A date? But hadn’t they passed that point already? Or haven’t they reached that point yet again? Their history truly didn’t make it easier.

“Carisi?” Amanda’s voice tore him out of his thoughts.

“No. No, I don’t.”, he answered and sounded more resigned than he had intended and he lowered his head. This time, the intensity of emotions was too honest to be a lie and therefore, Amanda glanced sadly at him. She moved back to her place and they finally could continue working. Maybe it would distract him, though, it hadn’t been very successful.

Rafael would chide him for his foolishness and Carisi was surprised, how easily he was using his first name already. Come on, Carisi, focus. The sooner he got through the paperwork, the faster he could go home and worry if he should contact Rafael.

His focus lasted for two hours, but then this uncertainty of hanging in the air made him nervous. He began to tap his foot to the rhythm of his fast beating heart against the chair leg. To his luck, this was a habit he had quite often and therefore, Amanda didn’t comment on it.

He almost didn’t hear the beep of his smartphone, which rested next to his keyboard. Carisi believed it to be another message of Stone asking for a progress report on one of the cases. So, he checked it rather casually, but when he saw the name flaring over the screen his heart skipped a beat. _Rafael Barba_.

 _‘Time for some catching up?’_ Carisi’s smartphone shivered in his hand and his heart cheered in happiness, but his mind needed a few moments to realize that Rafael truly had messaged him. He read though the message three more times just to make sure. That message was typical for Rafael. Casual, as if that between them wasn’t completely crazy. Or maybe, he was the one responsible for making it feel like it was crazy. He adored Rafael’s ability to stay calm and composed in every situation. When Carisi was carrying his emotions on his face, Rafael’s stayed unmoved, but that in the bar, that had been another Rafael. Or had it been the real Rafael?

Anyway, he longed to see him and now, the former prosecutor was reaching out to him and he couldn’t wait to see him again. Yes, he had to admit, he was a love-drunken teenager and strangely, he enjoyed the feeling.

 _‘Yes! Of course! Tell me, when and where.’_ He was just about to hit the send button, but then, he stopped abruptly. Too much? Too overenthusiastic? Rafael had showed him a vulnerable side, a warmer, tender side and Carisi was afraid to chase him away like a dove.

Carisi deleted the message and starred at the empty message field. How should he approach him?

 _‘Yes, sure. Where and when?’_ There, completely innocuous or maybe, too much so? Why was texting suddenly so complicated?

 _‘Yes, of course. Tell me, when and where.’_ And Carisi sent it, before he would overthink it again.

Only two minutes later, Carisi had an address and a time. Rafael still was a smartphone junkie. Maybe, his beloved lawyer hadn’t changed at all.

 _‘I’ll be there.’_ But then, Carisi realized in shock that the suggested time was in two hours and Carisi just had a double-shift behind him. He had to freshen up, before he would meet the man, who cared so much about a well-groomed appearance.

Carisi stood up abruptly and hurried over to Olivia’s office to ask, if he could leave earlier, because Bella asked for him to babysit Mia. He hated lying into Olivia’s face, but Rafael should decide, when he was ready to reach out again.

Olivia, the kind boss that she was, allowed him to go of course and he rushed out of the precinct.

Amanda looked after him, while Olivia leaned in the door frame of her office.

“What the hell was that?”, Finn asked irritated.

“He’s so having a date.”, Amanda said with a grin and turned back to her screen.

“Lucky him.”, Olivia commented and returned to her office.

Was Rafael Barba kidding him? Carisi had expected a café, bar or a restaurant, but this here was one of those expensive, old townhouses out of white marble and huge windows. It looked like a house out of the Victorian Era. It was beautiful, elegant and sophisticated and it almost felt like a ghost. Both were remnants of another time. Was he crazy or did this building had the same aura like Rafa…holy shit! Could it be that he had invited him to his place?

His jaw dropped. Seriously, he had known that Rafael was rich, but that was a whole new level. He dealt often enough with the upper class to know that those houses costed seven-digit and suddenly, Carisi became aware of their social class differences, which felt as huge as the building was. Carisi checked the address again. It was correct. Oh, he should have known. He knew the Upper East Side well. He should have realized that there were no gastronomic establishment around, but he had been too excited to think.

He checked the doorbell nameplate. Rafael’s name was on it. Carisi took in a deep breath and double-checked his looks in the window, adjusting his hair and then collected all of his courage to ring the bell.

Rafael opened the door quickly as if he had waited behind the door and the sight of him took Carisi’s breath away. He wore a black suit with a red tie and his green eyes had such a warm gleam, it made his heart speed up. Maybe it had been the kiss, but he had never looked more attractive than in this moment.

“Hey…”, Rafael whispered and Carisi smiled.

“Hey. Thank you for your invitation, but you could have warned me that you invite me to your house.”

“You’re a detective. I thought you’d figure it out by yourself.” Rafael smirked and his eyes shone with mischief. Carisi smiled and took a step forward, but suddenly it felt like an invisible wall was keeping them apart and the whole situation became awkward. How was he supposed to great Rafael? A handshake was too formal, a hug felt weird to him and a kiss? Shall he kiss him? But it felt like it could be a level of intimacy, which might make Rafael uncomfortable.

“Well, that’s awkward.”, Rafael spoke out, what he thought.

“Yeah…”, he huffed and smiled insecurely. With the two very different level of closeness, neither of them knew how to behave. He took another step forward, trying to make his intention clearer. Rafael tilted his head into his neck to be able to look into his eyes. “Is it okay, if I…?”

Rafael hesitated and Carisi’s heart sank. He should have known better. Every time something good was happening, he became overexcited and inevitable screwed things up. It had always happened like that.

To his surprise, Rafael nodded barely noticeable and Carisi’s heart began to race. Cautiously, he cradled the other man’s cheek. His skin was soft and warm underneath Carisi’s fingertips. The last time, it had happened so quick and unplanned, so that Carisi didn’t have the chance to notice any of it.

Slowly, Carisi leaned down and gave him a light, but warm kiss. Rafael sighed, when their lips tenderly grazed against each other’s and sent Carisi’s heart soaring. It didn’t last longer than a blink of an eye, but it was more intense than most he had ever shared. His blood rushed through his ears and tingle of excitement ran through him, when Rafael returned the kiss. His lips still felt soft and warm. Carisi had expected that a man’s lip would feel different, but they didn’t.

“Come on in.”, Rafael said, when they dissolved and stepped inside, opening the view to the hallway. With a pounding heart, Carisi entered and took a look around. The entrance hall alone was impressive. It was a room almost as big as his entire living room. The floor was made out of white marble tiles with black veins entwined, but first caught everyone’s eye was the elegant double-flight staircase, which ended in an open gallery. Right below the gallery was a breach, which likely led to the living room area.

Carisi was a little overwhelmed from the sight. Rafael surely knew how to live with style.

“Shall I take your coat?”, Rafael asked gently.

“Oh, yes, thank you.” Carisi nodded in surprise as he put it off. The former prosecutor took it and disappeared behind the door to his right, which likely led to a walk-kin wardrobe.

“Your house is impressive.”, Carisi said, because he felt like he should say something about it.

“Thank you.” With a smile on his lips, Rafael came back. “It took some time to find the place, which feels like me.”

“It truly does.” It felt like the essence of Rafael was emitting from the walls. Carisi had never thought about, how Barba lived and the former prosecutor had never revealed any of it, but now, standing in his place, it was exactly like he would have imagined his house. A bit too elegant, a little ancient, but with fancy twists of modernity stylishly intertwined.

“Come on. Or did you take roots?” Rafael grinned and once again gently pushed him forwards. For a moment, it threw Carisi back to that winter morning at the beginning of the year. This little, tender gesture still hadn’t lost its touch. It still felt as warm and wonderful as it had back then.

Carisi followed Rafael into the living room, which took his breath away. His entire flat could have fit in here. The entire back front was made out of windows and glass doors, which opened to a terrace and a garden with an old oak tree and several sitting opportunities. With a perfect view to the wonderful garden stood a sitting group out of a three-seat couch, four armchairs out of creamy leather and a cherry tree wood cocktail table. To the left of it was a carmine build into the wall, which was embraced by a ceiling-high shelf in the TV and a lot of books rested. Though Carisi suspected it were only a small part of his collection.

The right half of the room belonged to dinning. It had an open kitchen with two islands out of the same marble, which was used in the entrance hall, combined with polished cherry tree wood again. The entire wall separating the entrance hall from the living room was also covered by wooden kitchen cabinet and kitchenware. Carisi wondered if it was more décor or if Rafael was actually using it. He had to admit, he was a little jealous. Carisi loved to cook and this kitchen was a dream, which came true. Oh, those meals he could cook in here. Oh no, better stop this train of thoughts. Was he truly picturing his life in this house already? Apparently, yes, he did. All this luxury was a little overwhelming, but it wasn’t pompous. In the houses and flats of other upper-class members, Carisi had felt more like in a museum and he hardly dared to touch anything, but this house was designed to be used. It showed Rafael had more cared about quality than showing off. Although it showed his richness, it still had a very comfortable, cosy flair. He truly could feel comfortable here.

“Do you want something to drink?”, Rafael asked and tore him out of his thoughts.

“Coffee, please. Had a double-shift.”

“Sure. Take a seat and make yourself comfortable.” The former prosecutor pointed towards the black leathered chairs with the metal feet and the dinning table with a heavy stone plate.

“Thank you.” Carisi smiled and sat down. “I’m surprised you invited me to your place.”

“I just didn’t want to talk in public…” Rafael paused for a moment as he brewed the coffee and sighed. “I revealed quite a lot the last time.”

“I’m sorry…”, Carisi said contritely, but Rafael shook his head.

“It wasn’t your fault. You just brought something to the surface, which I couldn’t reach on my own and I’m not that unfair to blame you for it.”

“Do you feel better?” Casually, he nipped on his coffee, which tasted so much better than the one in the precinct or prosecutor office, but he kept a close eye on Rafael.

“Yes, I do.” Rafael nodded and it appeared to be honest.

“I’m glad. I didn’t like seeing you like this.” Without giving it a second thought, Carisi covered Rafael’s hand with his and squeezed it slightly. Rafael looked up in surprise, his green eyes shimmering in wonder, but this time, he didn’t shy away and after a moment, his expression became soft, accepting Carisi’s gesture of compassion and his thumb gently brushed over the back of the detective’s hand. Carisi felt how his heart sped up and he smiled. It appeared that out of whatever reason, Rafael became softer around him and it truly made him happy.

Silence settled between them and it happened rarely that Carisi didn’t feel the urge to fill it. The atmosphere felt rather comfortable actually, but then, after a few moments, Rafael blinked and abruptly pulled away.

“Oh, I almost forgot. I cooked you something. I figured you might be hungry.” What wasn’t hard to guess, because he could eat all the time. His job consumed lot of energy after all and it was something he adored of Rafael, too. Whenever they had a long conference, he had made sure that they all had enough to drink and got something to eat- on his personal bill. It was a small gesture, but it showed his caring side.

To Carisi’s surprise, though, Rafael put three bowls onto the counter of the bar at the kitchen island, which had been hidden out of his sight until now.

“You…you didn’t have to do that.”, he stammered, when even more bowls appeared on the counter.

“I know…” Rafael stopped and sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I was just nervousness and am aware I exaggerated.”

Carisi’s jaw dropped. Had Rafael just admitted that he had been nervous? About meeting him? Carisi’s heart jumped in happiness.

“It’s just…” Rafael continued and didn’t look into his eyes. “I’m out of the dating business for so long, I don’t know, how to do it anymore.”

“Oh…” Carisi wasn’t able to hide his smirk, because Rafael was adorable, when he was shy. He got up and slowly walked up to him. “Is that what we’re doing? Dating?”

His voice had dropped lower without his intention and Rafael looked up to him.

“I don’t know.”, the lawyer admitted, which meant a lot from him. “I suppose, it is, but it doesn’t feel right to me.”

“Hey…”, Carisi interrupted him softly and wrapped his hand around Rafael’s wrist. The green emeralds of the smaller man shone up to him and his hand, which had clenched slightly into the working counter, relaxed. “I know, this is confusing given our backstory. Believe me, I don’t know, how to be behave either, but you don’t need to stress yourself out, Rafael.”

Tenderly, he cupped the other’s man cheek and brushed over his cheekbone.

“This here is about us. It doesn’t have to have a label.” Surprised, Rafael looked up at him, but soon he relaxed into the touch and closed his eyes. “Let’s just find out with what we’re both comfortable, okay?”

“Okay…”, Rafael whispered and placed a soft, little kiss into Carisi’s palm and a flood of endorphins crushed through his veins. Rafael had taken the initiative. He wanted this. It hadn’t been just a dream of his and this cognition made Carisi a bit braver. Gently, he tugged on his wrist and Rafael turned more towards him. Cautiously, Carisi wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him into a light embrace and Rafael allowed it. His emeralds shone softly up to him and he moved in closer, covering his part of the distance between them and they kissed again. It was a calm, reassuring, a kiss out of mutual respect for one another and it also sealed the promise, which they had just given to each other.

~*~

A new day dawned on the horizon, colouring the bedroom in soft orange, the sunbeams tickling Rafael Barba’s nose playfully. He blinked his eyes open and slowly, he rose from Morpheus embrace. He yawned and stretched to relax his stiff muscles. In his newly established morning ritual, he turned his head only to find Dominick Sonny Carisi still fast asleep next to him and the sight cast a smile onto his lips. Waking up had become so much more pleasant ever since Sonny was sleeping next to him.

With a soft smile on his lips, he reached out and tenderly stroked over the other man’s cheek. Sonny huffed and his eyes stirred, but it appeared like he didn’t want to wake up just yet and Rafael wouldn’t either. It was Sunday and Sonny had his first free day in ages. He deserved some rest.

Despite that, Rafael felt way too comfortable to care about standing up and he liked watching Sonny, while he slept. He looked peaceful and relaxed, always a little, happy smile on his lips and somehow, just seeing it warmed Rafael’s heart. It still surprised and amazed him at times how happy Sonny actually made him. Funnily, finding out their way to work had been pretty easy as soon as the both of them had stopped overthinking. They still hadn’t put a label on it, but neither of them felt the urge of having to. It was wonderful, almost perfect, they way it was and not naming it didn’t diminish its quality.

Yes, Rafael was truly happy and that feeling was still unused to him, but also made sure, that he didn’t take it or Sonny for granted. Every moment, every action and every word were precious to him and he tried his best to show the man beside him, how much it truly meant to him. Back in that bar, Carisi had given him the strength to forgive himself. Carisi had showed him that vulnerability wasn’t a weakness and that to open up wouldn’t inevitably lead to being hurt.

“Thank you, Sonny.”, he whispered softly as he tenderly brushed over the corner of his mouth, which twitched and Rafael couldn’t resist, but to place a soft kiss on it. Carisi stirred, his smile becoming happier. His eyes fluttered open and Rafael looked into a blue as beautiful as the ocean. They were still a little hazed with the fog of sleep, but the former prosecutor got lost in them anyway. Sonny blinked a couple of times, until his gaze focused and a loving expression brightened up his face.

“Good morning, Rafa.”, he whispered with a voice as warm and soothing as honey and Rafael’s heart still jumped every time, he used the endearment. He couldn’t even tell, when had been the first time the detective had used it, but he was in love with it ever since, because it felt like it carried Carisi’s whole heart in it.

“Good morning, Sonny.”, Rafael returned with a tone just as warm as his man’s. Yes, he was calling him Sonny by now, although he still found it sounded a little silly and therefore had never wanted to use it, but he hadn’t been able to resist the big, blue puppy eyes Sonny always had, whenever he had called him Carisi. Rafael could understand why. It had felt too formal, too less for their relation. Everyone called him like this and both of them felt like they deserved and needed something special. And Dominick…Rafael didn’t know why, but it didn’t sound like the man next to him. So, Sonny was the only possibility left and Rafael had given in. The pure expression of happiness on Sonny’s face, though, had made it endurable and that was, what surprised Rafael most. Suddenly, he had liked calling him like this, because Carisi always had this expression on his face and Rafael still was the only, who called him like this next to his family. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, like a rock.” Sonny smiled and reached out to stroke over Rafael’s cheek. “I always do in your bed.”

“Oh…”, Rafael said as he raised an eyebrow and playfulness rolled underneath the surface of his voice. “So, it’s just my bed?”

“Yes.” Sonny grinned cheekily and he gasped in feigned shock.

“How cruel of you, Sonny, how cruel.” The man underneath him laughed wonderfully and looked tenderly up at him as he leaned up and finally gave Rafael one of their long, slow and lazy good-morning kisses, which made time slow down around them and the whole world narrowing down to just them.

“I always come to rest, when I’m with you.”, Carisi whispered and pecked his lips. Rafael sighed and smiled softly down to him, his thumb brushing tenderly over his cheek. “Thank you for convincing me to come over. It was totally, what I needed.”

“I’m always right. When will you finally get used to it?”, Rafael teased and nudged him gently.

“I already have.” Sonny smiled, wrapped his arms around him and pulled him back down to meet his lips.

“Good.”, he purred, when they dissolved and his green eyes gleamed. Sonny chuckled underneath him and ran his fingers through his hair. Immediately, a soothing feeling of peace, happiness and being home spread through Rafael. His face expression softened and concern became visible on his face. “How are you, Sonny?”

“I’m fine. All refreshed.”, the detective assured in his usual, bright voice, which relieved Rafael.

“I’m glad.”, he whispered with a soft shimmer in his eyes and stroked tenderly through Sonny’s hair. “You’ve been so exhausted lately.”

“And barely had time for you.”, Sonny said with a smirk, but Rafael shook his head dismissively.

“I don’t care about that.”, he replied softly and stroked through his hair. “Like I said, I remember, how it is. I was just a little worried about you.”

“You were concerned about of me?” Carisi starred at him in surprise and lifted himself up onto his lower arms. Rafael huffed, almost a little amused about the question.

“Of course, I was. I care about you, idiot.”, he chided him playfully and pecked on his lips. “And can you stop grinning so mischievously about it?”

“Nope.” Carisi’s grin became even wider. “I’m so happy. Rafael Barba cares about me.”

“You act like you haven’t known that already.” Rafael chuckled and shook his head about his boyfriend.

“I did.” Carisi rolled onto his back and crossed his arms behind his head, but looked at Rafael from the corner of his eyes. “But it’s something different to hear it. Can you say it again?”

“Oh?”, Rafael rolled with his deep baritone, leaned over him, starring deeply into his eyes and resting a hand onto his chest, his fingers playing with the button of Carisi’s pyjama “I shall say it again?”

“Yes…please.” Carisi swallowed at the sudden shift of intensity in the atmosphere and his confidence had disappeared. Rafael’s smirked became a little sinister and he leaned closer in, until their lips were almost touching each other and their breath mingled together. Carisi shuddered underneath his fingertips and closed his eyes, awaiting the kiss. Rafael smiled and tenderly tilted his head into his neck. Rafael felt, how fast Carisi’s heart was beating inside his chest.

“But I won’t.” Instead of the passionate kiss, which Carisi awaited, Rafael only pecked on his lips and then sat up abruptly.

“What?” Perplex, Carisi opened his eyes and sat up as well. Rafael sat on the edge of the bed, his head turned towards Sonny with a wide grin on his lips. It needed a moment, until Carisi realised that he had played with him, but then he laughed loudly and slid to him. Tenderly, he wrapped his arms around Rafael and rested his head on the other man’s shoulder. Rafael smiled tenderly and rested his nose in the other man’s hair. “The others would never believe me, if I tell them how playful you are.”

“Then don’t. I will always deny it anyway. I have a reputation to keep.”

“Fine be me.”, Sonny whispered and kissed his shoulder. “I like to keep this side of you to myself.”

Rafael smiled softly. That wasn’t surprising given that Sonny grew up between three sisters.

“So, what’s on today’s agenda?”, Sonny asked as he rested his head back on Rafael’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Even though he might have slept well, he still appeared rather tired.

“How about you’re going to have a warm shower or bath, whatever you prefer, and I’m going to make breakfast?”, he suggested, while he stroked through Sonny’s salt and pepper hair.

“That sounds almost perfect.”, Carisi whispered and hugged him a little tighter.

“Almost?” He raised an eyebrow and turned his head to him. “What’s missing?”

“You joining me in the shower.” His voice was dark and rough and he placed a hot, open-mouthed kiss against his neck and Rafael inhaled sharply, a hot shudder running through his body.

“I’m afraid, you’ve worn me out last night. Where you got all this energy from is still a mystery to me.” He laughed and placed a soft kiss into Sonny’s hair. “I definitely need a breakfast, before I’m able to participate in those kinds of activities.”

“Geez, you’re even able to make having sex sound judicially.”, Carisi groaned and rolled his eyes. “Do I have to sign a declaration of agreement?”

“Maybe, I will make you, if you don’t shut it.” Rafael grinned. “And while we’re on it, we could cut a deal on a regulation of the number of coitus per week.”

“That much you get for dating a lawyer.”, Carisi mumbled against his shoulder and closed his eyes.

“You knew, what you got involved with.”

“Yeah, I did. What was I thinking?”, Carisi sighed melodramatically

“Likely nothing.”, Rafael teased with a wide smirk.

“Thanks for your faith in me.” Carisi pretended to be upset, but then chuckled and Rafael joined him.

“Come on!” Gently, Rafael patted on his shoulder. “Let’s have breakfast.”

Half an hour later, Rafael was almost done with preparing their meals and Sonny still hadn’t left the bathroom, which was quite unusual. Normally, Carisi never needed longer than fifteen minutes for the morning rituals. It was Rafael, who could spend an eternity in it.

“Sonny?” Lightly, Rafael knocked against the bathroom door. “I’m coming in, okay?”

He only heard a mumble, which could mean everything. Quietly, Rafael opened the door and slid in. The warm light of the new day shone through the widely opened glass doors, which led to the balcony, which ran along the backside of his house. Sonny rested inside of bathtub, his body covered with white bubbles and his eyes were closed. Rafael smiled softly and remained in the doorframe for a moment, simply enjoying to see Sonny this relaxed, when he was normally overflowing with energy. But then, he pulled himself away from the sight and tiptoed towards his boyfriend.

“Hey…” He sat down on the edge of the bathtub and gently stroked through his hair. “So, you decided to take a bath.”

“I couldn’t resist.”, Sonny said without opening his eyes and leaned into his touch. “I don’t have one after all.”

“I know.”, Rafael said softly and massaged his scalp.

“Just five more minutes, okay? Then I’m gonna…”

“Take all the time you need.”, he interrupted him softly and Carisi opened his eyes to look at him. “Would you like to have a book?”

“Hmmhmm…” Sonny shook his head. “I just wanna relax.”

“Okay.” He looked warmly down at him. “How do you want your eggs?”

“Can I have an omelette?” Big, blue eyes looked pleadingly up at him. 

“Of course.”, Rafael assured and scooped warm water over his chest. “With ham, cheese and tomatoes, I guess?”

“Yes, please.”, Sonny said happily and his blue sparkled up to Rafael, who still smiled warmly.

“Okay. Come down, whenever you’re ready.” He placed a kiss into Sonny’s damp hair and stood up. “I will hang up some towels over the radiator, okay?”

Before he was able to turn around, Sonny took his wrist and tugged, turning him back towards him.

“Thank you, Rafa.”, he said with all of his gratefulness in his voice.

“You’re welcome.”, Rafael said with a warm tone and stroked over his cheek. For a moment, Sonny gave up his relaxed position and leaned towards him. Rafael followed his silent request and kissed him softly. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

Ten minutes later, Rafael was frying the omelettes, when he heard, how Sonny came down the stairs and into the huge living area. He only wore a white bathrobe with slippers and ruffled through his hair with a towel to dry his still glistening hair.

“Well, you look refreshed.”, Rafael stated with a smile as Sonny walked up behind him and hugged him tightly from behind.

“That smells delicious.”, Carisi said as he rested his chin on Rafael’s shoulder, watching, how he cooked.

“You sound surprised.”

“Well, after that noodle salad disaster at our first date.”

“Oh, please don’t remind me. It was embarrassing.”, Rafael murmured and blushed slightly. “I should’ve stuck to what I know, instead of trying to do some of the Italian cookery.”

“I found it adorable.”, Sonny assured him softly and kissed his cheek. “Despite your face was priceless, when you realized you’ve mistaken sugar for salt. It broke the spell and made us laugh.”

“And you could show me how to do it right.” They had improvised a meal together after Rafael had messed up _all_ of his, which had clearly showed, how nervous he had been.

“At least one thing, I was able to teach you.” And he sounded happy about it. Rafael was aware that cooking truly wasn’t his greatest strength. He knew some simple dishes from when he had to cook for himself in his youth, but that was about it. In his adulthood, he had so less time, he often ate outwards in a restaurant. He truly hadn’t seen any appeal with it, but Sonny loved it and together with him, it almost made fun. _Almost_.

When the omelettes were finished, Rafael turned off the stove and put them onto a plate.

“Could you please get the coffee?”, he asked, while he carried the last pieces of their breakfast towards the table.

“Sure.” Quickly, Sonny got the two already filled mugs and followed the former prosecutor.

“Thank you.” Rafael smiled warmly and the both of them sat down. The breakfast was calm and peaceful, Sonny reporting in every detail about the case they had been working on, while eating his omelette. Rafael listened tentatively to every word he said, although it sometimes still hurt. It was stupid, but he felt left out and hearing about Stone trying cases instead of him was strange. Rafael had tried to hide it, but he knew that Sonny had noticed. He was way too empathetic not to and therefore, the Detective appreciated that he listened nonetheless.

“I’m glad everything worked out in the end.”, Rafael said softly with a warm smile on his lips as he sipped on his coffee.

“Yeah, I’m too.” Sonny sighed and stopped spreading the butter on his roll. “I couldn’t have endured it, if it remained unpunished.”

Sadly, the detective lowered his head as if the entire weight of the case was pushing him down. Rafael looked at him for a moment and it pained him to see him like this.

“I know. You’re way too kind for this.” Tenderly, Rafael took Sonny’s hand and rubbed soothing circles. Sonny looked up to him, the pain of the victim mirroring on his face. That was, what worried Rafael the most. Carisi’s empathy made him was perfect for the job and to be an entrusted person for a victim, but it was also dangerous. He simply wasn’t able to distance himself from a case and Rafael knew, how much damage it could cause. He had experienced it himself and Carisi was even more involved than him.

With each rub of Rafael’s hand, a bit more of the sadness was smoothed out of Sonny’s face and soon, he smiled tentatively and he was glad about it. At least he was able to chase the darkness away afterwards and Rafael didn’t want to allow that Sonny’s job would destroy their relaxed morning together. He lifted their joined hands and couldn’t help, but notice, how right Sonny’s felt in his. It warm, soft, gentle and yet strong. Tenderly, Rafael placed a kiss against his knuckles. Sonny’s face brightened up and his eyes glistened from warmth. Rafael sighed in relief and let go of his boyfriend’s hand. He took the remaining piece of his own omelette, which was about three-quarter, and put it onto Carisi’s empty plate with a smile.

Surprised, Sonny looked up, but then showed this wide, almost juvenile grin, which always showed all of his bright happiness. The smile, which always made Rafael’s heart jump and filled his mind with tenderness.

“Thank you.”, Sonny whispered and his eyes shone in the brightest blue.

“You’re welcome.”, Rafael said softly. Then he reached out for a roll and spread strawberry jam over it.

“Rafa?”, Sonny suddenly interrupted the peacefulness, which had settled over the breakfast table.

“Yes?” He lifted his eyes only to be meet with the softest smile Rafael had ever seen on anyone’s face.

“I love you.” The blue eyes of Sonny shone brightly in adoration and Rafael’s breath got stuck in his throat for a moment. He was surprised, but more so, because he actually wasn’t. It wasn’t that big shock, when something meaningful was said out of the blue. It felt rather natural as if someone said something, which was common knowledge and that made Rafael realise, that it was. Their hearts had known for a long time that they were in love with each other.

Rafael smiled softly and stood up. He walked over to the man, which filled his heart with joy and happiness each and every day. He stopped next to him and Carisi immediately stood up. Tenderly, Rafael wrapped his arms around Sonny’s slim waist and kissed him with all of him. He could feel, how both of their hearts sped up and their bonding strengthened with every movement of their lips. The day outside appeared to become even brighter and time stopped existing as they celebrate their truth, which they finally found within themselves.

“And it’s the greatest gift to me.”, Rafael whispered warmly against his love’s lips and cupped his cheek. “I love you, too, Sonny, cariño mio.”

~*~

It was late at night. Autumn had turned into winter and Sonny’s breath condensed to mist, the coldness burning in his lunge. Even through his thick, warm leather gloves, which Rafael had given to him a few ago, his fingers had become numb as he shifted on his spot at the front door of Rafael’s house, waiting for his love to finally open the door, before he froze to death.

It was strange, how this house had become more home to him than his own flat. Even if he didn’t have a key for it yet, which was quite misfortunate right now. Rafael soon opened the door, though, and greeted him with a warm smile. In this moment, Sonny realised that it wasn’t the house, it was Rafael, who had become his home. With him, he felt safe, warm and comfortable.

“Good evening, cariño.” Every time Rafael called him like this, Sonny fell a little more in love with him and a warm, fuzzy feeling spread through him.

“Hello, love.”, he whispered softly and Rafael’s smile became even warmer. Their lips met for a soft, welcoming kiss and the numbness disappeared out of Sonny’s body.

“Your lips are ice-cold.”, Rafael noted with concern, when he pulled away. “You must be chilled to the bone.”

“Well, what can I say?” Sonny shrugged dismissively. “It’s winter and the observation took longer than we expected. It became cold in the car.”

“Come on in. I’ve lit up the fireplace and got us some soup.” Rafael pulled him in and closed the door behind them to keep the winter out. He hurried to get Sonny out of his coat, which was damp from molten snow and it showed Sonny once again, how kind and caring Rafael actually was. It only was reserved for those, which are important.

“You made soup?”, Carisi asked with a chuckle of disbelief in his voice, because he could hardly imagine Rafael to be patient enough to chop all those vegetables.

“I never said that.”, Rafael declared with a smile, while he removed Carisi’s scarf and hung it above the wardrobe. “I said, I got us some soup. It arrived just before you.”

“Ah.” Sonny smirked. “That sounds more believable.”

Rafael huffed, rolled his eyes and gently puffed him, but he was still too concern to retort. Instead, he took Sonny’s hand, which was also still cold, and pulled him with him into the living room. A warm, comfortable feeling greeted Sonny as soon as the entered the room and it welcomed him home. A scent of tomatoes filled the air and he knew, which soup Rafael had ordered. _Tomato soup,_ his favourite.

He followed his beloved to the table on which the two bowls of soups already stood, but something different caught Sonny’s eye. Next to his plate rested a little, blue velvet box, embraced by a golden gift ribbon. Panic flooded through his mind for a moment and he thought feverishly, if there was any anniversary he might have forgotten. They have agreed that they wouldn’t necessarily give themselves something on these occasions and rather spend time together, because that was more precious, but still, Carisi would feel horrible, if he completely forgot. But no matter, how hard he tried, he simply couldn’t remember. Their six-month anniversary was in two months. Was today the day they first met? No. That also wasn’t the case. What then?

Rafael sat down next to him with an amused smile on his lips and poured some red wine in both of their glasses. Somehow, Sonny had the feeling he was playing a game with him. He always had that kind of smirk, when he weaved his net.

“Uhm, Rafi, what is this?”, he decided to ask and pointed at the small box.

“This, cariño, is what normal people call a gift.” Rafael grinned, when Sonny rolled his eyes and rested his head on his folded hands.

“Very funny.” Sonny pouted.

“I answered your question.”

“Could you please stop playing lawyer with me?”

“Playing?” Rafael raised an eyebrow. “But that’s what we both are.”

“Rafi, please.”, Sonny said with a slight plea in his voice.

“Fine.” Rafael chuckled.

“Is there an anniversary I forgot?”, Sonny asked with nervousness in his voice.

“No, there isn’t.”, Rafael assured and Sonny exhaled in relief. “I just felt like giving it to you and I wanted to revive our tradition of leaving presents on each other’s desk.”

“Well, technically, this is a table and I don’t have a desk here.” The glare Rafael gave to him was warningly and Sonny couldn’t contain a smile.

“Actually, that’s what I intend to change with the present.” That caught Sonny’s interest and he frowned.

“How are going to achieve that?”, he asked curiously.

“Maybe you're not as good a detective as I thought you were.” Now, it was Sonny’s time to glare at Rafael, but his boyfriend only laughed amused and leaned back into his chair. “Or maybe you just open it.”

“Shouldn’t we eat first? I mean, after you put that much effort into ordering it?” Sonny smirked and Rafael chuckled.

“No worry, the plates were preheated. It shouldn’t become cold any time soon.”

“Well, then…” With a fast beating heart, Sonny took the little package and opened it. Within its blue bed rested a key, which glistened in the light of the lamp. “Is that…?”

Rafael nodded.

“You want me to have the spare key to your house?”, Sonny still had to made sure. Rafael had explained to him, why he had never invited someone of the squad to his house. Rafael wanted to make sure that this house was his guaranteed place of calm, where nobody would disturb him. Otherwise he would never be able to unwind. To achieve that, he had never told anyone his address, if it wasn’t necessary. This reveal had made Carisi appreciate even more that Rafael had invited him to his house on their first date.

“Actually, not just that.” Rafael paused for a moment and Carisi still was too astonished to put one and one together. “Sonny…”

Sonny blinked and freed himself out of his stupor. The tone Rafael’s voice sounded as if he wanted to say something meaningful. The former prosecutor took his hand and laced his finger with his.

“I would like you to move in with me.”

“Wha…what?” Sonny widened his eyes and his heart pounded inside his throat. “You want me to live here? In this house? With you?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.” Rafael smiled. “I mean, you’re here all the time and I would like to make it official.”

“Rafael…”

“Ever since I left my parental home, I valued my solitude and to be on my own. I could have never imagined to enjoy sharing my home with someone, but with you…I enjoy living with you.” Rafael looked up with the warmest shine in his eyes and it took Sonny’s breath away. “But you don’t have to, if you don’t feel ready for it…”

Before Rafael was even able to finish the sentence, Sonny had thrown himself around his neck.

“I’d love to.”, Sonny exclaimed happily and pressed a hard, long kiss against his cheek. Rafael blinked in surprise, but then laughed and wrapped his arms around him.

“I’m glad.”, he whispered and caught his lips for a soft, warm kiss. Sonny closed his eyes and melted into the tender touch of Rafael’s lips. “I love you, Sonny.”

“I love you, too, Rafael.”, Sonny whispered softly and tenderly stroked over his cheek. Rafael smiled up and rested his hand on his arm. “So, when can I move in?”

“Whenever you want.” Tenderly, Rafael ran his fingers trough his hair and his eyes shone in the softest green.

“So, this weekend?”, Sonny asked eagerly, excitement rushing like electricity through him. He couldn’t wait for this new chapter in their relationship.

“I think, I won’t work that quickly.” Gently, Rafael tugged on his hand and Sonny followed the silent invitation. He sat down on his lap and tenderly rested his forehead against Rafael’s, who gently rubbed over the back of his head. “We have to pack all of your things together and organise a moving company.”

“What?” Surprised, Sonny pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I’m allowed to bring my stuff over?”

“Of course.”, Rafael frowned and tilted his head. “I don’t want you to move into my house. I want us to make this here our home.”

“Rafael…are you sure?” Sonny hadn’t expected this to be honest. Everything inside this house appeared to be carefully chosen and was geared to each other. He had thought Rafael would insist to leave everything untouched. Though, he shouldn’t be this surprised. Rafael was the best boyfriend he could ever have imagined.

“Yes, I am.” He nodded determinedly. “But I have three veto.”

“Veto?” Sonny frowned and tilted his head. “What do you mean with that?”

“That I’m allowed to pick three pieces that won’t get in here. For the rest, you can bring with you whatever you like.” Rafael smiled and rested his forefinger onto Sonny’s lips, before he was able to say anything. “And in return, you’re allowed to choose three pieces, you don’t like in here and should be removed.”

“Even that one painting on the first floor?” He simply didn’t know what to make out of this one painting hanging in the hallway of the first floor. For him, it was just a strange pattern of different colours, he couldn’t quite understand, but Rafael loved it.

“I expected you’d say that.” Rafael chuckled and tenderly, he stroked over Sonny’s upper arm. “Yes, even that. It should be as much of your house as it is mine. I want you to feel comfortable in here.”

“Rafi…”

“Yes?” Softly, he looked up to him and a wide, happy grin spread all over Sonny’s face.

“I think you’ve found the ultimate solution for the moving dilemma of every couple.” For a moment, Rafael appeared surprised, but then he laughed and grinned confidently:

“Would you have expected anything less of me?”

“No.” Rafael blinked surprised, the softness in Carisi’s voice too soft for their usual teasing. “You’re the most fascinating person, I’ve ever met.”

“When I saw you for the first time, in that creamy suit with the light blue shirt and black and blue striped tie, I was fascinated. I thought: ‘ _Wow, what an appearance._ ’ But when you told us the results of the FTF observation of Tenancingo with this confident voice of yours I was amazed by your sharp mind. You’re intelligent, sophisticated, righteous and courageous. You were everything I wanted to be as a lawyer and man.” Astonished, Rafael looked back up at him, when Carisi brushed tenderly over the contours of his face. “Ever since that moment, I had a crush on you.”

Sonny tried to express everything he felt for this wonderful man, in whose lap he sat and he prayed, that Rafael would be able to understand, because he had been able understand, what Rafael intended with this gift and all the thoughts he put into it. Rafael didn’t just want to share his house with him, he wanted to share his life with him.

“I love you, Sonny.”, Rafael said with tears in his eyes. “Thank you for running into that bar and into my life.”

“I love you, too, Rafael. Thank you for all the things, you taught me and all of your advices.”

“Well, then.” The Cuban man looked up and Sonny tenderly wiped the tears out of his beautiful eyes. Rafael placed the softest kiss into his palm just like on their first date. “Welcome home, mi amor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed this little collection. I had a lot of fun with it :) I would love, if you let me know, what I think =)

**Author's Note:**

> Dear, sophiareadsfics, I hope you enjoyed it. <3 I had a lot of fun with it. So thank you for the prompt :)


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